Since yesterday's post was protected, I know that few people actually read it. I'd like to make it public, but I'm not sure if the person it was about will come here or not, and for privacy's sake, I'd like to just keep it protected. Anyone on my friends list should be able to view it, unless you were just added today. Anyways, on to today's post.
A little over a year ago, my godmother threw a
bridal shower for me with all my aunts on my dad's side and a few of my older cousins. One of my aunts presented me with this cute little
e-mail forward she'd gotten:
How to be a Good Wife(an excerpt from a 1950's high school home-ec book)
Have dinner ready:Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal - on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself: Take fifteen minutes to rest so that you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
Clear away the clutter:Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too.
Prepare the children:Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
Minimize all noise:At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.
Some don'ts:Don't greet him with problems and complaints. Don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest that he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.
Listen to him:You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.
Make the evening his:Never complain if he does not take you to dinner or to other pleasant entertainment. Instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to unwind and relax.
The goal:Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax in body and spirit.
(Note: For unknown reasons, there was no list on "How to be a good husband")
I read it out loud in front of all the women in my dad's family. Women who have been married for many years, some who have been through divorce, and others yet unmarried. After I finished, we all had a good chuckle about how things were
so different 50 years ago and how it seemed so foreign to us. I came home with that sheet of paper and put it on the fridge as a joke, and it's stayed there for the past year. A couple weeks ago, I took another look at that sheet of paper. I was no longer looking at those instructions as a bride-to-be, but now as a loving wife.
I didn't laugh this time around. I looked at those tips and thought,
"What would American marriages look like today, in 2008, if we all tried to strive for those 1950's ideals?" In 1950, there were 2.6 divorces per every 1000 people. It reached a peak between 1979 and 1981 of 5.3 divorces per 1000 people. In 2001, we had gotten that number down to 4 divorces per 1000 people. (According to
this reference) I can't help but wonder what the divorce rates would look like if we'd all take time and
strive for those "old-fashioned" ideals. Maybe not to the extent of the above instructions, but what if we all made our marriages a priority? What if we paid as much attention to our spouses as we do to our jobs? I think that so many of us have forgotten what it says in Genesis 2:24 "This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh. (HCSB)" I see many people who pay more attention to their siblings, their friends, their parents, than they do to their spouse.
In a Christian marriage, God should come first, and your spouse should be in an immediate second. I think that American marriages need to go back to the
"old ways". Not necessarily that the women need to stay home and raise the children and be June Cleaver, but I think our attitudes need to change. With the rise of gender equality and feminism (both of which I FULLY support), we've seen a rise in
women behaving badly. So many women think that they need to drag men down, insult them, and be "better" than men. That's NOT what feminism is about. (But that's another post for another time.) Women in our society feel like they need to be
better than men, and it's destroying our marriages. I think that if people, both women AND men, would strive for the ideals in that 1950s home-ec book, we'd find ourselves with a much lower divorce rate and happier marriages.
What do you think? Did they have it right in the 1950s? Or are we just being more realistic here in 2008?
(This will be cross-posted at my Xanga site as well)
Comments (5)
Awesome post! It's a servant's heart that makes things work, and the attitude of that post was all servitude. It would work, man woman, child, young or old and for any kind of a relationship.
There's a lot that can be said about a Christian woman's role, but being keepers at home, we set the tone. That list probably is a bit simplistic and "old-fashioned" but I agre with you 100%, it would still work. I think the last little sentence summed it all up so well:
"The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband (family) can relax in body and spirit."
What a refreshing post. Thanks so much!
Be blessed!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I may be the least qualified person on the planet to answer that question, and contribute anyway.
I imagine that each couple is different in finding what works. But I'm in full agreement that in any successful Christian marriage, God has to come first. Last week a singer at my church made a great observation, that it doesn't take two to make a marriage work; it takes three.
Just dropping in, I'm new to revelife (been on xanga though). You bring up a great question, "what would our world be like?". I agree with steadfastmom that it is a servant's heart that brings things together, so I definitely think that if we held onto some of the values and practices that people in the 1950s (or whenever) had that our world, and more importantly our homes could be a much better place -Jen
hmm interesting though it might have been nice to have one for the husband....
thanking you for your comment. but i would like to ask what you think when the Bible says God hates sinners, and that in conjunction with what you said about homosexuals.
Hey good post, although I do think that you can follow the list all the way. It's basically what my mom has done all my life, not like there aren';t nights when dad comes home and she is crabby or dinner isn't ready on time, but something I always remember is how she always goes around trying to make sure that at least the area that dad woudl see when he walks in the door is picked up and clean. A really good book, it's also very controversial
is Created to be His Helpmeet and it is by Debbie Pearl...... it is sorta like your list.